


Imbrication

by sachi_sama



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Growing Up, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Moral Ambiguity, Possessive Behavior, Slice of Life, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:20:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25212319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sachi_sama/pseuds/sachi_sama
Summary: A controlled experiment is basic science, but Izaya's never yielded positive results.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson, Kishitani Shinra/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 50
Kudos: 242
Collections: shizaya





	Imbrication

**Author's Note:**

> "Jaws clenched tight we talked all night,  
> oh but what the hell did we say?  
> The good times are killing me." -- ["The Good Times Are Killing Me"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oITcKJpM9UQ) by: Modest Mouse
> 
> Hi, all! The "mildly dubious consent" tag comes into play for sexual content with one character who is drunk while the other is not. The underage sex is between two characters of the same age! It's consensual, but very worth noting.

It starts in middle school as an offhanded suggestion, something Izaya scoffs at initially. He's still trying to get a good read on Shinra and his motives, and thus far Shinra has surprised him repeatedly. Shinra is amusing and twisted in a way Izaya can appreciate. The two of them get along well, and their club meetings usually just end up with them sitting on desks next to each other, talking about anything of interest.

This meeting goes the same. Shinra is picking at a little bag of animal crackers, his legs swinging in front of him. Izaya is doodling a caricature of Shinra on a piece of paper, aware that Shinra is upset about something, but not sure if he cares enough to ask what it is. He isn't left waiting long. Shinra blurts out his woes without any provocation at all.

“Have you ever kissed anyone, Orihara-kun?” Shinra asks.

“No.” Izaya pauses in his drawing and looks over at Shinra, but Shinra is looking out the window.

“Do you think it's necessary in loving someone to kiss them?”

“No. You can love someone without getting anything at all from them,” Izaya says, thinking of this supposed zombie woman in Shinra's life. Izaya is curious about her, but he also takes most things Shinra says with a grain of salt.

“Celty says I should find someone else to love because she can't even kiss me. But what if I don't care about that? What if kissing is stupid anyway?”

“Then tell her that.” Izaya goes back to his drawing, already bored of this conversation.

“But I can't tell her it's stupid if I've never done it! I don't want to lie to her!”

“Then find someone to kiss and then do an evaluation.” Izaya adds little horns to his doodle of Shinra. He's adding fire when Shinra speaks again.

“I couldn't betray Celty like that. She'd be heartbroken!”

“I thought you said her heart doesn't even beat. Besides, it sounds to me like she's rejected all your advances so far. It wouldn't be a betrayal. There's nothing to betray.”

“You just don't get it, Orihara-kun! You don't love anyone! If you did, you'd understand how cruel it would be to open my heart to anyone else when I know I'll never care about them like I care about Celty. And— Are those horns?! Why are you giving me horns?!” Shinra swipes for the pencil, but of course Izaya is quicker and dodges out of the way.

“Because you annoy me. This whole exchange is pointless, you know? You're a middle schooler. A kiss doesn't mean marriage. Just kiss someone in the name of experimentation and call it a day,” Izaya says. He wads up the paper and throws it at Shinra's head, grinning when it makes contact and bounces off. Shinra, of course, wails dramatically.

“We can't all have a line of people that want to kiss us! You could ask anyone in our class, even the guys, you know?” Shinra picks up the paper wad and smooths it out, his finger tracing over the lines of Izaya's doodle. “Why haven't you kissed anyone?”

“Because I don't care about it.”

“You don't care who your first is?”

“No. It's just something that may or may not happen one day. I don't think about it or have any thoughts about who I want it to be. I've got other things to think about.” And he does. He and Nakura are getting more people involved in their little gambling ring, and Izaya has to take care of his sisters every day after school. All this, mixed with schoolwork and the times he sits in the biology room with Shinra, where is he supposed to find the time to care about something like romance?

“Why don't you let me kiss you?” Shinra asks, and Izaya laughs, but when he looks up, Shinra is entirely serious, waiting patiently for an answer.

“You've gotta be kidding.”

“It's perfect! You don't care who your first is, I want it to be someone I care about, and you know I'm head over heels for Celty, so you won't expect anything else from me!” Shinra says excitedly.

“And are you going to tell her you kissed me and decided you didn't like it?” Izaya asks, still laughing.

“Mmm, not unless she brings up the kissing thing again. It'll be one less thing for her to use against me! Besides, she'd much rather me kiss you than some poor girl I could never love.”

“The answer is no, you moron. I don't want to kiss anyone, much less you.” Izaya huffs when Shinra kicks his legs out, mimicking Mairu when she doesn't get her way.

“But you don't care! So you don't care either way! Orihara-kun, please consider it before shooting it down! Neither of us has to tell anyone!”

“I think it's safe to say this meeting is over for today,” Izaya says, bored once more. “Now I wonder if Nakura-kun is still around...”

***

In the months that follow, Shinra mentions it over and over, single-minded as he always is. Izaya ignores him or shoots him down each time, and for the most part, they continue as they always have. Shinra slowly starts to call him by his first name, alternating at first between the first and last, but when Izaya doesn't correct him, Shinra gives up the last name altogether, smiling dumbly whenever he says 'Izaya' like he's getting away with something. He's an endearing idiot, but like hell Izaya is going to kiss him.

It's not until Shinra is on the ground bleeding that Izaya's view of him changes.

“Why the hell would you get in front of a knife for _me_?” Izaya asks, helping Shinra duct tape the wound closed. Nakura has already run off, screaming he was sorry, but that's fine. Izaya has plans for him. Shinra laughs weakly.

“I just thought Celty would...like the kind of man who sticks up...for his friends...”

“You do everything for her without thinking of yourself at all. I don't know if that's love. More like complete idiocy.” Izaya pinches the bridge of his nose, groaning. “You're hopeless, you know that? You might be the dumbest person I've ever met.”

“I don't need to be smart to love her! I can't say...that I'll take another knife for you, Izaya-kun, but I _can_ say I don't...regret it!” Shinra winces and smiles up at him, and Izaya frowns at him before leaning down and pressing their lips together. Shinra makes a startled noise, exhaling slowly against Izaya's mouth, and when Izaya pulls back, Shinra is gazing at him almost in awe.

“We're even, I think,” Izaya says, standing. “Now, can we say I was the one who stabbed you with this knife...?”

***

They don't meet for a while afterwards.

Shinra is out of school recovering, and Izaya is in trouble for the incident even if Shinra's family didn't press charges. Rumors spread like wildfire, and soon enough, everyone is keeping a wide berth from Izaya aside from members of his and Nakura's group.

When Shinra returns to school, everyone seems shocked that he walks right up to Izaya and hugs him.

“You're ruining my seedy reputation,” Izaya says, his arms at his sides as Shinra squeezes him.

“Who cares? I missed you!”

That afternoon, they meet in the biology room, and Izaya is listening to a baseball game over the radio, trying to keep track of the score, when Shinra waltzes over and turns it off.

“Oi!” Izaya snaps, glaring up at him. “I have money on that game! Occupy yourself for a while.”

“I already said you shouldn't be involved in this. Besides, I was thinking. I took a _knife_ for you,” Shinra says. He leans closer to Izaya. “A peck on the lips isn't equal.”

“Shinra, for fuck's sake.” Izaya tries to back away, but Shinra follows him. “You don't ever give up.”

“A real kiss, Izaya-kun, and then I'll let you listen to your game!” Shinra smiles, stupid pest that he is, and Izaya sighs loudly before he nods.

“After this, I never want to hear about it again. No bothering me about 'rites of passage' or nagging me about what I'm up to. Deal?”

Shinra's smile grows wider and then he yanks Izaya into a clumsy kiss, almost missing Izaya's mouth entirely in the process. Izaya snorts, already making to pull back, but Shinra makes a disapproving noise and tightens a hand around Izaya's wrist.

“I said a _real_ kiss,” Shinra says, and then his mouth slots firmly over Izaya's. It's the same gentle pressure as before, and Izaya decides to just wait until Shinra's gotten whatever it is he's waiting for out of this, but then Shinra's tongue is swiping at his bottom lip, and Izaya opens his mouth on instinct, and... _oh._

When their tongues meet, Izaya groans lowly, unused to the sensation. Neither of them has any skill at all, but even the blind licking is enough to send Izaya's hormones through the roof. Shinra's hands go to Izaya's waist, and Izaya doesn't slap them away, is too focused on trying to seem unaffected by their intensifying kiss.

Izaya pulls back, noticing how red and swollen Shinra's lips are. He imagines his own look the same, especially with how Shinra is staring at them.

“There. A _real_ kiss. Now you can drop it,” Izaya says, willing his hands to stop shaking and his lips to stop throbbing. He's never felt like this in his entire life, and he isn't sure he likes it.

“Yeah...” Shinra says, his hand going to Izaya's cheek. His fingers trace along Izaya's skin reverently, and when he kisses Izaya again, Izaya doesn't stop him.

From then on, all their meetings devolve into make-out sessions. Shinra loves it, he says, says if Celty asks him about kissing, he'll tell her he loves it, but he loves her more. Izaya enjoys the mindlessness of it, likes the feeling of Shinra against him. It doesn't go further than the kissing, but Izaya doesn't think he would mind if it did. It's not like either of them sees it as more than it is.

***

Once they graduate middle school and get into Raijin, Izaya sees less of Shinra than before. Their club is no more, and Izaya is getting more into expanding his reputation, succeeding at it admirably after Heiwajima Shizuo declares him an arch nemesis. Their fights are brutal, carnal, and Izaya finds that pissing Shizuo off and getting himself in danger instills the same feelings in him as making out with Shinra. It's mindless, exhilarating, _fun_. It feels _good_.

“IZAYAAAAAAA!” Shizuo roars when Izaya manages to lose him in a crowd. Snickering to himself, Izaya makes his way home. His sisters will be wondering where he is, and for some reason, Shizuo never follows him there. Then again, Izaya never follows Shizuo home either.

He's surprised to find his sisters aren't alone at home. Shinra is there, eating Russia Sushi with them and gabbing like they're his friends.

“Izaya-kun!” Shinra says excitedly. “I was wondering when you'd get back.”

“Mairu, Kururi, what have I told you about letting in weird people off the street?” Izaya asks. Mairu sticks her tongue out at him.

“He's your friend!” she argues.

“Weird, nonetheless. You got takeout?” Izaya asks Shinra, who grins at him.

“I haven't seen you around much. I swear, you like Shizuo-kun more than me now!”

“Yes, we're crazy about each other,” Izaya says, plucking a piece of Shinra's sushi for himself. Shinra catches his hand, frowns down at it.

“You're bleeding.”

“Courtesy of your monster friend.”

Shinra sighs and stands, leading Izaya to the bathroom as Mairu and Kururi keep eating at the table.

“You really should leave him alone, Izaya-kun. I want the two of you to get along, but if you keep at it, one day he really might kill you,” Shinra says as he sifts through the medicine cabinet.

“He started it,” Izaya says petulantly. “Besides, sometimes I don't even do anything. Sometimes he just sees me and chases me for no reason.”

“He probably just thinks you're gorgeous,” Shinra says as if that's something normal to say. He smiles when Izaya gives him a look. “What?”

“Are you even aware of how stupid that sounds?”

“Why is it stupid? You _are_ gorgeous.”

Izaya rolls his eyes and ignores the heat on his cheeks as Shinra cleans the gash on his hand. “Shizu-chan just wants me dead. He probably doesn't even know what I look like. He finds me by scent alone, or by echo-location from all the shouting he does.”

“He knows what you look like.” Shinra wraps Izaya's hand in a bandage and then kisses over where the wound is. “You should take better care of yourself.”

“I've got too much else to do,” Izaya says, and Shinra kisses him. Izaya leans into it, his hands going to the back of Shinra's shirt.

“Remember when you wouldn't even let me touch you?” Shinra asks, a smug look on his face. He licks into Izaya's mouth before Izaya can retort.

“Shinra... Fuck, stop. My sisters are out there,” Izaya mumbles.

“I don't care,” Shinra says, and his smile is innocent, but he's far from. “Haven't you missed this?”

“What about your monster girlfriend?” Izaya asks, but Shinra only kisses him harder in answer. Izaya doesn't know why he's still allowing this to happen, but he tries to enjoy it as much as he enjoys anything. It can end at any time, and he knows that. He accepts that. It's better to enjoy it while it lasts.

“Oh,” Shinra gasps when his hips press against Izaya's. They're both hard in their pants.

“Hormones. Don't look so smug,” Izaya says, hating how his body reacts to Shinra. Shinra just nods.

“I want Celty to be my first,” he says simply, and Izaya scoffs, shoves him off.

“So go to her, then. Make her love you like you want, and then you can leave me alone.”

“Izaya-kun...”

“Go. I mean it. I'll see you later.”

Izaya doesn't eat the sushi Shinra bought for him. He gives it to his sisters and locks himself in his room for the night, hating himself when his hand travels into his underwear, thoughts of Shinra in his mind.

***

“...What?”

“It'll be fun!” Shinra says, his hand going to Izaya's shoulder. Kadota and Shizuo are behind Shinra, Kadota looking bored as usual, and Shizuo looking pissed off, also as usual.

“You realize if you get me and Shizu-chan in a room together, we might kill each other, right?”

“Fuck _you_ ,” Shizuo snaps, but Shinra keeps smiling.

“He'll agree to a truce if you will. Come on, Izaya-kun, we're so close to starting our last year! A sleepover sounds fun, right? And none of us have ever been to one! We should get it out of the way before we're real adults.”

“Why do _I_ always have to be part of your rites of passage?” Izaya asks woefully.

“Please, Izaya-kun? As a favor to me?”

“All I do is give you favors,” Izaya says, but when Shinra grabs his hand and tugs him along, Izaya doesn't fight him.

For once, Izaya's parents are home for the twins, so he doesn't have any excuses not to go aside from not wanting to. It'll be interesting if nothing else. Izaya can't deny he's fascinated with Shizuo, and he wants to see if Shizuo will actually behave normally for a night in his presence. He wonders if Shizuo is equally curious about him.

Shinra's father isn't home, but there's a woman in a sleek black suit, a cat helmet on her head, and Izaya immediately knows it's Celty. Shinra runs to her and throws his arms around her, but she punches him in the stomach and he falls to the floor. Izaya snorts and walks around Shinra's body as the others introduce themselves to Celty. Izaya raids the cabinets, scoffs when he finds no alcohol at all.

“ _You must be Izaya.”_ Celty's PDA screen says.

“That's me. And you're Celty. Nice to meet you officially.”

“ _What are you looking for?”_

“Alcohol.”

She bristles. _“You're in high school!”_

“And here against my will, I should add. Besides, it's not like it would be my first time drinking.” Izaya's been to a few gatherings with the Awakusu, courtesy of Kine. Shiki and Kine don't allow him to drink, but some of the others sneak him booze like they want to see him drunk. He always keeps his mind about him, too new to the meetings to slip up. He doesn't see the allure of drinking, but in a situation such as this, lowered inhibitions could only help.

“Don't mind him,” Shinra says, popping up from the floor like a daisy. “Now then, why don't we order food?”

Kadota and Shizuo wind up playing some videogame together while Shinra fawns over Celty. Like Izaya expected, he's not exactly fitting in, but he doesn't feel left out enough to leave. He grabs a book from his bag and goes to Kadota's side, leaning on him as he reads.

“If I lose this game, it's your fault,” Kadota tells him. Izaya likes Kadota. It's hard to bother him, and he's reliable, as well as a pushover. Someday, he's going to be surrounded by very odd, pushy friends, Izaya just knows it.

“If you had any skill, it wouldn't matter what I was doing,” Izaya says, glancing up at the screen. Shizuo is glowering over at him, but Izaya is ignoring him, which seems to be making Shizuo even madder. Kadota winds up winning, his character throwing Shizuo's out of the arena. “See? You still won. Shizu-chan isn't a good opponent.”

“That's because he's too focused on you,” Kadota says, and Shizuo throws his controller into the wall, leaving a dent.

“I'm not even doing anything,” Izaya says. He goes back to his book as Shizuo stands and wrenches the controller free from the crumbling drywall.

“Your flea stench is distracting,” Shizuo growls.

“Fleas don't have a scent.”

“They smell like blood and disease, like _you_.”

“Guys,” Kadota groans. He nudges Izaya. “Don't be a brat.”

“Of course, Dota-chin. _Anything_ for you,” Izaya says, batting his eyelashes. He settles back into Kadota's side and tries to focus on his book, well-aware Shizuo is still glancing at him, and Shinra is throwing himself at Celty, who is shoving him back with increasing hostility. Their food arrives, and Izaya settles on the couch, nibbling at his takeout with one hand while balancing his book with his other. Shinra's table only has four chairs, and Izaya would rather not sit so close to Shizuo. Besides, even if Celty can't eat, Izaya knows Shinra would rather sit close to her.

He finishes quickly, not feeling very hungry. He puts the leftovers in the fridge and pads back to the couch, curling up with his book. This is what he would be doing at home anyway. He doesn't get the allure of sleepovers, but he doesn't understand a lot of things about being social. He wishes he had an assignment from Shiki, but Shiki wants him to focus on school and being young for a while.

“Are you falling asleep?” Kadota asks, coming to plop next to Izaya. “You look cozy.”

“I'm not tired,” Izaya says, though that's not entirely true. He was up late the night before. Mairu had had a nightmare, and their parents were sleeping through her crying, so he was left to calm her down. He wonders if she'll sleep well tonight without him there.

“Let's watch a movie,” Shinra declares as he bounds over. Shizuo sits in a chair, closer to Izaya than Izaya is comfortable with. The rest of them bicker about movie choices, and Izaya looks over when he feels eyes on him. Or maybe a lack of eyes would be a better term, as it's Celty.

“ _I made up some beds in Shinra's room if you get tired.”_

Izaya doesn't think much of it when he signs 'thank you' at her, but she seems delighted, some smoke pouring out of her sleek black clothes.

“ _Do you know sign language?”_ she signs at him. He grins, putting his book down.

“ _Enough for a conversation. I'm going into the business of talking intimately with a lot of people, so I'm learning. I'm not fast.”_

“ _You're really good!”_ Her PDA disappears into her sleeve as she uses her hands to talk to him.

“You better not be enticing Celty!” Shinra calls over from his spot on the floor. He's got multiple DVDs in front of him, clearly making no progress in choosing a movie.

“Oh, I am,” Izaya purrs. He picks his book up and goes back to tuning them out. Eventually, the others settle on a movie, and Izaya puts the book away to let them turn the lights off. He stretches out, his legs going into Kadota's lap, who huffs at him, but doesn't push him off.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, because he's jostled awake when Shizuo's angry voice shouts something.

“That was the _dumbest_ fucking movie I've ever seen!”

“Shizuo-kun, you can pick the next one,” Shinra says in a placating tone. “Aw, Celty, are you going to bed? Can I go—“ There's the sound of a fist making impact, and of Shinra falling over. “Okay... Sleep well...!” Shinra groans.

“Maybe you should go, too,” Kadota says, looking down at Izaya.

“Mm. In a little while,” Izaya murmurs. “Shinra, do you have a blanket?”

He offers a soft 'thanks' when he feels a blanket being draped over him, and then he's opening his eyes in irritation when Shinra pokes at him.

“Lift your head up,” Shinra says.

“ _Why?”_

“So I can sit here!”

“There's another spot next to Dota-chin,” Izaya grumbles, but he lifts, and when Shinra settles down, Izaya puts his head in Shinra's lap.

“You're both gonna catch his germs,” Shizuo says as he pops a DVD into the player. “Maybe you'll go crazy like him.”

“Maybe _you're_ just jealous they like me more than you,” Izaya says, and Shizuo rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, that's why you've been by yourself all night.”

Izaya doesn't know why that stings like it does, but he doesn't respond. He glares at Shizuo before opting to get up and go to bed after all.

“Smooth,” Kadota's voice says, and Shizuo grumbles something in response that Izaya doesn't hear once the bedroom door is closed behind him. He ignores the little beds Celty made and instead gets into Shinra's bed, deciding if Shinra wants him to move, he can move him.

He wakes again to darkness in the room, the mattress sinking in next to him.

“It's me,” Shinra says. His arms go around Izaya as he scoots in closer, and Izaya mumbles his disapproval but doesn't bother rolling away. “Thanks for coming tonight. I know you don't like things like this.”

“Mm...” Izaya is ready to go back to sleep. His frequent all-nighters are starting to catch up with him. He curls into Shinra, exhaling softly, and he opens his eyes when one of Shinra's hands trails up the back of his shirt. “Shinra—“

“Shh.” Shinra leans in to kiss him, and Izaya sighs against his lips, his body going lax at Shinra's touch. “I've been thinking, if I can kiss you because I can't kiss Celty, there are other things I can't do with her.”

“Other things?” Izaya asks, becoming more conscious by the minute.

“You'll have to stay quiet,” Shinra says, and Izaya gasps when Shinra's hand settles between his legs.

“Shinra, fuck, those two are still out there,” Izaya says, his breathing picking up pace as Shinra's hand worms its way into Izaya's pants.

“They're in the middle of a horror movie. And you've been so cute all night, you know?” Shinra kisses him again, his hand pumping Izaya's dick under the covers, and Izaya clings to him, hates himself for it as he moans softly and whispers Shinra's name with increasing urgency. “Izaya-kun...” Shinra noses into Izaya's hair, presses his hips against Izaya's side. “Is this why you got in my bed? Did you want me to touch you?”

Izaya shakes his head as best as he can. He feels mindless, feels insane.

“It's okay,” Shinra assures him. “I wanted to touch you, too.”

Izaya comes with a whimper, and he feels Shinra shivering against him, moaning softly as he comes against Izaya's thigh. They lie together, their breaths mingling, and then Shinra kisses him gently, threads his clean hand through Izaya's hair.

“You want to borrow some pants?”

Izaya feels oddly passive as he pulls off his soiled pants in the dark and stuffs them in his bag, like he's not in control of the situation. He hates it, but he somehow enjoys it at the same time. He isn't used to being able to relax and let someone else plan the next move. He decides not to worry about anything right now besides the afterglow.

Once they're cleaned off and dressed, Shinra pulls him into deep, languid kisses, and Izaya loves the way Shinra can't keep his hands off him, loves feeling _wanted_. Shinra doesn't stop tasting him until the door opens and Kadota and Shizuo are coming in.

“The fuck is this?” Shizuo asks, his voice too loud in the dark. “Why's the flea get the bed?”

“He's persuasive,” Shinra says. “Don't wake him or Celty up with your yelling, please.”

“Whatever,” Shizuo grumbles as he settles into his own bedding, and Izaya finally slips into blissful unconsciousness, too tired and spent to even care his mortal enemy saw him snuggled into Shinra's arms.

The next morning, Izaya wakes before any of them. He gets out of bed and quietly gathers his things, slipping out of the house before anyone can bother to not miss him.

***

After that, Izaya sees less and less of them all. He absorbs himself in the happenings of the Awakusu, skips class for the most part, ignores Shinra's pouting. Izaya devotes a lot of his time to sending various groups of thugs after Shizuo, which results in more of their fights. Izaya knows it's dangerous, but he can't help himself. Shizuo is interesting, _unpredictable_ , and the thrill Izaya gets from torturing him can't be rivaled by anything else, not even the thought of Shinra coming to him in the dark again.

About six months into their final year at Raijin, Izaya is home alone, working on something for Shiki, when the doorbell rings. He sighs, wondering if the twins canceled their sleepover and forgot their key, but it's not his sisters at the door. It's Shinra, and he's holding a paper bag.

“I brought booze,” he says cheerfully, sidestepping Izaya and inviting himself inside. “You like adult things now, right? This should give you a reason to hang out with me.”

“I'm busy with work, Shinra,” Izaya sighs, closing the door. He watches with amusement as Shinra kicks his shoes off, almost loses balance, and then rights himself before he can topple over.

“I haven't even gotten to speak to you for weeks!” Shinra says, and then he shoves Izaya playfully. “You make sure to speak to _Shizuo-kun_ regularly.”

“Do you want me to send people to attack you too? I didn't realize you'd feel so left out.”

“I miss you.” Shinra says it so easily, so sincerely. Izaya looks away from him, snatching the bag out of Shinra's hands before opening it.

“Where did you even get this?” Izaya asks. It's a bottle of sake, the glass frosted and the label one he doesn't recognize. Izaya is far from a connoisseur, but it looks fancy, like something Shiki might enjoy.

“My dad bought it ages ago, but he's not around very much. He won't miss it,” Shinra says. “I can't drink it at home, since Celty would be upset.”

“Celty, right. We can't have her losing her head,” Izaya says.

Shinra ignores Izaya's snark, as he usually does. “Are you opening that now? What about your sisters?”

“They're out. I'm alone for the night,” Izaya says, and he doesn't miss the spark in Shinra's eyes at that information.

They wind up on the couch, cartoons on the TV. Shinra catches Izaya up on what he's been doing, how he plans to go straight to work after graduation. Somehow, everything just becomes more and more funny as the time passes, and at some point, Shinra falls off the couch, and Izaya laughs harder than he ever has in his life.

“Izaya-kuuuuun,” Shinra says from the floor. He rests his cheek against Izaya's thigh, nuzzles at it. “You were avoiding me so long.”

“I was not,” Izaya lies. He reaches for the bottle to top off his glass. “I've been busy.”

“You're always busy, but this was different.”

“My life doesn't revolve around you.” Izaya gulps at his sake, can't think of why it's a bad idea. It's making the words flow easier between them, and for once, Izaya feels like Shinra is listening to him.

“Why not?” Shinra asks, and he's completely serious.

“You're an idiot,” Izaya says, pulling away from him. “What would your little monster girlfriend say if she knew the things you've done with me?”

“She's not my girlfriend. She's my soulmate. But until she sees that, I'm not doing anything wrong.” He climbs back onto the couch, settles against Izaya's side.

“I'm not some backup for when she's not giving you enough attention,” Izaya hisses.

“You're not,” Shinra agrees. He presses his face into Izaya's neck.

“I hate you,” Izaya says.

“That's fine. I don't care if you hate me,” Shinra murmurs, and then his mouth is fierce against Izaya's, and Izaya is out of reasons to stop him. He's missed this, and he hates that he's missed it. This all started as some stupid desire to kiss someone before devoting his life to Celty, so what is Shinra even getting out of this anymore? What was Izaya ever getting out of it at all?

He knows the answer to that, but he shoves it far from his mind, and when Shinra's hand slides into his pants, Izaya doesn't think about anything.

“This is a good look for you, Izaya-kun,” Shinra says. He's watching Izaya's face intently, like Izaya is a well-responding controlled experiment.

“You're...a fucking _pervert_ ,” Izaya snaps, but it comes out with less bite than he intends. Shinra laughs, unoffended. Izaya tries to reach for the button of Shinra's pants, but Shinra gently pushes Izaya's hands away.

“No, just you,” he says.

“Why?” Izaya asks, and Shinra gives him a devious smile.

“Because I want Celty to touch me first.”

Izaya should push him off and make him leave, but instead Izaya is pressing up into Shinra's hand, mouth open as he nears his edge. He should be happy about this, shouldn't he? Most people wouldn't mind getting pleasured and not expected to return the favor, but it leaves a bad taste in his mouth, like Shinra isn't thinking of Izaya as a person.

Then again, Izaya's never felt much like a person, and he _did_ tell Shinra he didn't care who his first was. Izaya meant it when he said it, but whenever he bothers to touch himself, it's always Shinra in his mind.

Izaya gasps as he comes, his head tipping against Shinra's shoulder. Shinra kisses his hair, keeps his hand moving, and Izaya keens, pushes him off when it starts to hurt.

“You're hard,” Izaya says, ready to argue now that he can think again. Shinra leans forward, kisses him again, and stands from the couch, not swaying at all.

“Don't avoid me anymore, Izaya-kun,” Shinra says, and then he's turning to leave. Izaya watches him go, laughs when he realizes Shinra never seemed drunk at all.

***

Izaya takes school even less seriously after that. He shows up when he pleases, aces his tests, and cultivates quite the following of girls, but otherwise he can't be bothered. As he gets nearer and nearer to graduation, Shiki gives him more work, and Izaya already has the money to move out on his own. He decides to wait until school is over, knowing Shiki and Kine will nag him if he doesn't. For high up Yakuza executives, they really do enjoy taking an active interest in Izaya's life, probably because they know Izaya's parents are too busy to do it themselves.

Izaya is on the roof of the school, reading, when he overhears familiar voices. He huffs, not really wanting to see any of them, but they've already spotted him.

“Izaya-kun!” Shinra calls, and Izaya lowers his book enough to glare over at him. “Come eat lunch with us!”

Shizuo is scowling already, and Kadota looks indifferent, but Shinra looks happy, not at all apologetic, and that's enough to leave a foul taste in Izaya's mouth.

“Not hungry,” he says.

“You can still sit,” Shinra says, motioning next to him, and Izaya scoffs before going back to his book.

“I'm not eating anywhere I can smell the flea's scent,” Shizuo says. “I'm nauseous just being near him.”

“Shizuo-kun,” Shinra says wearily.

“You slept near me easily enough,” Izaya says, his blood already running hotter now that Shizuo is looking at him. He wonders if Shizuo lives for this like he does.

“Not by _choice_ ,” Shizuo snaps, moving closer. Izaya closes his book. “What's with you, anyway? You're never even fucking here, so why the hell are you _still_ sending gangs after me?!”

“Because you need to _suffer_ , of course. I can't have people thinking you're a human when we both know the truth.”

“I'm gonna break every fucking bone in your body,” Shizuo says, his hands in fists. “They won't be able to identify your corpse.”

“Wouldn't that be something? A real 'who's who'.”

“Try not to aim for his face, Shizuo-kun,” Shinra says calmly. He and Kadota are eating as if nothing is going on, but then again, they're used to Shizuo's and Izaya's antics by now. “You really would be a monster if you ruined something pretty.”

Izaya feels his cheeks go hot, but luckily Shizuo isn't looking at him.

“WHO'S PRETTY?!” Shizuo roars, turning on Shinra, who immediately bows in apology. Izaya takes the opportunity to slip away, and by the time Shizuo realizes and screams in rage, Izaya is far enough away to only hear the echo.

***

The day of graduation, Izaya is eager to get as far away from the school as possible. He has a sitter with the twins, who probably could watch themselves at this point, but Izaya doesn't want to go home to a ruined house. His parents couldn't make it, but he doesn't really care about that. He just wants to get away from people and their families. It's making him sick.

“Izaya-san!”

Izaya looks up at the voice, and laughs in disbelief when he sees Kine standing outside a sleek car. Shiki is inside, and he offers a slight nod of his head when Izaya makes his way over to them.

“What are you doing here?” Izaya asks, bowing in greeting.

“Congratulations on your graduation, Izaya-san,” Kine says. “Have you thought about university?”

“I was hoping to keep working for you,” Izaya says.

“You're smart,” Shiki says. “You could be more than an informant.”

“I could,” Izaya agrees. “But I don't want to.”

Shiki sighs and shakes his head. “There's a meeting tomorrow. I'll call you later with details. You're very young, but you've done good work so far, so we will continue to do business with you.” He gives Izaya a very small smile. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Izaya says, and Kine puts a hand on Izaya's shoulder before getting back in the car with Shiki. Izaya watches them drive away, and then he turns to see Shinra running towards him.

“Izaya-kun!” Shinra yanks him into a hug, and Izaya's arms remain stiffly at his sides. He sighs loudly when he sees Celty behind Shinra.

“ _Congratulations!”_ Celty signs it to him.

“Thanks,” he tells her.

“Your family didn't show?” Shinra asks.

“No. Yours?”

“My dad is around here somewhere. To be honest, we lost him in the crowd. He gives Celty the creeps.”

“Funny. You remind me of him.” Izaya turns, but Shinra touches his elbow.

“We were going to go out and celebrate! Kadota-kun and Shizuo-kun will come later. I figured you weren't up to anything tonight, so you should come with me now!” Shinra is beaming at him, and Celty's body language is open enough, her hand at the small of Shinra's back. Izaya shakes his head.

“I have things to do. I'll call if I need medical services.”

He doesn't miss the way Shinra's face falls, and it gives him a vindictive satisfaction before it leaves him feeling hollow, but it's less hollow than he feels when he's _with_ Shinra.

Being empty inside is a good trait for an informant to have.

***

He sets up shop in Shinjuku. He doesn't bother telling anyone he's moved aside from his sisters, Kine, and Shiki. He isn't left wanting for work, as Shiki is good on his promise, and Izaya is so buried that he barely realizes time is passing as quickly as it is.

His contacts grow exponentially in just a year. He steals clients from other people, uncaring of consequence. He doesn't care if people dislike him, and it's for this reason that he excels. It's not that he enjoys hurting people, it's just that they make it _easy_ , and the majority of them are in need of a comeuppance. The only one Izaya loves to torture is Shizuo, and Izaya definitely keeps at that, not wanting Shizuo to forget him or their feud.

Last time Izaya heard anything about Shinra, it was that Shinra was finally dating Celty, and as far as Izaya knows, Kadota is involved in the Blue Squares. Shizuo has had multiple jobs, most of which he got himself fired from, but Izaya is there to help for that last little bit. Shizuo hates him, _hates him_ , and Izaya loves it, loves being hated. As long as Shizuo keeps looking at him, Izaya can stomach being hated. The alternative is much worse.

The next time Izaya sees Shinra, it's out in the world, entirely at random. It takes a moment for Izaya to recognize Shinra, not because he looks too different, but because he's not wearing a school uniform. Izaya can't help but laugh at the idea that that's all they ever were, school friends, together by proxy and nothing more. Shinra's face brightens, and he runs to Izaya, launching at him.

“Izaya-kun! It's been so long!”

“Hey, Shinra. Still annoying, I see.”

Shinra drags him to lunch, white coat billowing behind him as he leads. Izaya has his eye on the ridiculous suitcase in Shinra's hand, wonders if it's actually full of useful tools or if it's empty and solely for decoration. Both seem equally plausible for an oaf like Shinra, and the thought has a soft smile appearing on Izaya's face before he can help it.

They wind up at a Hawaiian place, Shinra's pick. Izaya sits across from Shinra, calmly sipping at his tea while Shinra prattles on and on, his words practically indecipherable. Izaya has a lot of practice in understanding Shinra's jargon, and he knows better than to say anything before Shinra asks, because Shinra isn't going to stop.

“You've made a name for yourself!” Shinra says after their food arrives. “I do a lot of work for Shiki-san, though I've never met him personally. Most of his guys know you. You aren't well liked.”

“Is that surprising?” Izaya asks.

“Not at all. I guess I hoped you'd use this time to cultivate your personality into a likable one.”

“Friends aren't good for business. Especially my business.” Izaya digs into his poke bowl, pleased to find it's delicious.

“I guess that's why you moved away and never sent me any messages?” Shinra asks.

“You seem like you managed.”

Shinra sighs, wilting only slightly before bouncing back. “You've given work to Celty as well! Nothing dangerous, I hope.”

“What's danger to a monster like her?” Izaya asks. “She's an urban legend, you know. She's also the fastest transporter I have. Some people request the black bike personally.”

“As long as it's not some ploy to keep me from spending time with her!” Shinra says before slurping his noodles. Izaya resists the urge to hit him.

“I haven't so much as thought of you since moving, actually,” Izaya says, and he's happy when Shinra has the gall to look upset. “You're the one who dragged me to lunch. If you'd rather go on forgetting each other, I can leave you in peace.”

“Why are you always _like_ this?” Shinra asks, and finally, his stupid passive smile is gone. “All you do is run away from everything and operate from the shadows. Some people who work _for_ you don't even know what you look like!”

“I don't see why it matters to you what I do with my time. I can stop employing Celty, if you like, but you can be the one to explain to her why she suddenly won't be getting work anymore.”

“That's not what I want.” Shinra sets his chopsticks down and gives Izaya an imploring look. “I just want to be your friend, and you make it even more impossible than Shizuo-kun most days.”

“Did you ever have your hand in Shizu-chan's pants, too, or was I just a _special_ friend?”

Shinra gives him a disgusted look before standing and leaving, and Izaya stays seated, enjoys his food, and revels in the fact he's finally gotten under Shinra's skin.

That night, he's organizing through some files when there's a knock at his door. He frowns and carefully steps around the papers strewn around him, not wanting to send them into disarray.

“Who is it?” he calls. He knows better than to open to anyone. He's pretty sure Shizuo knows where he lives.

“It's me,” Shinra's voice calls, and Izaya waits a moment before opening the door.

“What a surprise! What can I do for you? If you require my services, I can offer a friendly discount,” Izaya says, stepping aside to let Shinra in.

“You made me really mad today,” Shinra says, without preamble. He walks a few steps, craning his head to look around. “It looks like you live in a giant office. Nothing in this space screams 'Izaya-kun'.”

“I excel in making people angry. Not many people enjoy their dirty little secrets aired against them.” Izaya goes into the kitchen. “Did you want tea?”

“No.” Shinra follows him. “Why are you—“

“I'm giving you what you want,” Izaya says. “Haven't I always done that?”

“How is this what I want?”

“You're an idiot if you don't know the answer to that. You've got Celty waiting at home for you, which is exactly what you always wanted. What do you need me, for?”

“Izaya-kun.” Shinra closes his eyes and reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Izaya likes Shinra much better without that happy-go-lucky mask of his. Shinra is far from an innocent, energetic person. He's as twisted as Izaya underneath, and somewhere along the years, they managed to twist themselves together whether they like it or not. “What do you want from me?”

“What do _you_ want? I don't want anything at all from you, and I never have. You're the one who always approaches me. Even now, you came here. I didn't go to you.”

“You never come to me, you're right.” Shinra deliberates for a moment before moving closer to Izaya. “I don't know what I want.”

“Yes, you do. The question is whether or not you'll allow yourself to have it.”

Shinra moves closer, stops in front of Izaya, his eyes burning. His hand settles on Izaya's waist as he leans in, his nose pressing into Izaya's cheek. He inhales, his fingers clenching in Izaya's shirt as his breath leaves him shakily.

“It was supposed to go away after Celty accepted my feelings,” Shinra says. He nuzzles at Izaya, his other hand going to Izaya's hair. “I'm sorry to ask more of you, but...”

“You've never been sorry for anything,” Izaya says. “Don't start on my account.”

“I love Celty,” Shinra says, practically spitting it at Izaya. “I've always loved her, and only her.”

“Who said anything about love?” Izaya asks. He pushes the white coat off Shinra's shoulders, and Shinra allows it to fall. “Don't you want to know what it's like to be with a human being?”

“You don't fit that bill,” Shinra says.

“Then how about fucking someone who knows what you _really_ are?” Izaya undoes Shinra's tie, grins as Shinra's lips press to his. It happens quickly from there, all resistance gone from them both. They stumble up the stairs, falling against each other every few steps when Shinra yanks Izaya back to kiss him deeper. Shinra is angry, and he grabs at Izaya hard enough to bruise, to hurt, but Izaya hardly minds. Guilt isn't an emotion Shinra is capable of, and Izaya doesn't know if he's ever felt it either, but he definitely doesn't feel it now, and he doesn't feel it when he sinks onto Shinra's dick, doesn't feel it when Shinra pushes him over and fucks him into the mattress.

“You've...never done this...?” Shinra asks, panting into Izaya's mouth, and Izaya shakes his head. “Good. You're mine, you know?”

“How selfish...of you... Having two lovers...!” Izaya gasps, and Shinra grabs Izaya's chin, forces him to look up.

“Who said...anything...about love?”

Izaya laughs, delighted, and Shinra kisses him again, bites Izaya's lip until he draws blood.

It happens more often after that. Izaya doesn't bother staying away, pops into Shinra's when he feels like it. Celty is confused by the rekindled friendship, and it's no secret she doesn't like Izaya. Whatever civility she once had for him is gone now, and she's expressed her disgust for him and his work. Sometimes she'll lock herself in her room when he visits, and she won't come out until he's getting ready to leave.

“She still has her own room? How tragic for you,” Izaya remarks on one such occasion.

“She sleeps in mine more often than not,” Shinra says easily, placing a cup of tea in front of Izaya. “Did you hear the Blue Squares disbanded?”

“Of course I did,” Izaya says, smiling. “Izumii-san was an idiot. I hope Dota-chin can pick better friends.”

“I don't know if any of us know decent people.”

Izaya thinks of Celty's head in that tank, laughs softly. “You're right. Isn't it nice we all gravitate together?”

***

In the aftermath of Saika and the rise of the Dollars, Izaya decides to lay low for a bit and rethink his strategies. He baits Shizuo, leads him into a chase, and cackles in delight as they leave half the city destroyed behind them. Izaya winds up at Shinra's to get his cuts and scrapes treated, and he's sitting at the kitchen table when Shizuo busts into the apartment.

“YOU!” he roars, trying to lunge for Izaya. Shinra jumps in Shizuo's path, his arms outstretched.

“Not in here! You can wait patiently for me to see you, or you can go.”

“But _he—_ “

“You heard the good doctor, Shizu-chan. Why not have a seat on the couch like a trained beast?” Izaya lilts, and Shizuo tries to grab him again. Izaya watches happily as Shinra guides Shizuo to the couch, threatening to get Celty to wrap him up if he doesn't comply. Izaya stands and shrugs his jacket on.

“Where are you going?” Shinra asks, turning to him. He looks displeased.

“I can't tell you that, or else it wouldn't be laying low, now would it?” Izaya grins, chuckling when Shizuo glowers at him openly.

“When will I see you again?” Shinra asks.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder!” Izaya says in a sing-song voice. Shinra looks like he wants to grab Izaya, but is refraining because Shizuo is watching.

“Who the fuck cares where he goes? Stay gone forever, flea, I dare you.”

“But do you _double_ dare me?” Izaya asks.

“I'll walk you out,” Shinra says. He leads Izaya into the hallway, closing the door behind them. He looks around, making sure they're alone, before he presses Izaya into the wall, kissing him hungrily. “Go home first. I'll come by later,” Shinra murmurs when he pulls back. He leans his forehead against Izaya's.

“What am I, at your beck and call?” Izaya asks, shivering when Shinra bites his lip in annoyance.

“Aren't you?”

“I'm not.”

Shinra hums in disbelief before going back inside, and Izaya leans in the hallway for a moment, sighing when he hears Shizuo's booming voice through the wall.

“How could you like that shitty fucking parasite?”

“He's my friend. Would you please sit still? You're the one who came to me for your injuries. What if you're making them worse by flailing around like that?” Shinra asks.

“Whatever,” Shizuo grumbles.

“Stop obsessing over Izaya-kun. That's what he wants.”

“I'm not _obsessed._ He's fucking crazy and no one but me seems to care!”

“Seems like a crush to me!” Shinra says with a laugh, and when Shinra starts wailing in pain, Izaya makes his way out. He doesn't go home, and he doesn't see Shinra for quite a while afterwards, but as soon as he steps foot back into his apartment in Shinjuku, they pick up where they left off the very next time Shinra comes over.

***

Things go on the same for a long time. Izaya gradually sees less and less of Shinra after the doctor “gets serious” with Celty. Izaya doesn't dare ask what that means. He starts seeing more of Celty than Shinra, since she still works as a transporter for him. He sees her the very weekend after he gets released from the hospital, his mood still sour about Shinra hanging up on him.

“ _I heard you got stabbed.”_ her PDA says. She doesn't sign to him anymore, and he suspects it's because she doesn't want to have anything in common with him that she can't share with someone else.

“I'm sure you and Shinra were jumping for joy. Did you invite Shizu-chan, too? I hope it was a party.” Izaya eases himself onto his couch, winces at the sting. She studies him, her hands on her hips. He wonders if she can sense her head, which is just upstairs.

“ _Have you and Shinra had a falling out? You aren't around as much, not that I mind.”_

“Shinra and I are busy people.” He hands her money to her. “You can see yourself out. I'm exhausted from painkillers.”

She doesn't linger. He's always liked that about her.

***

After Shinra is attacked, Izaya considers not going to visit. He winds up deciding to be the bigger person, and he waits until he knows Celty is out doing a job for him before he drops by. He lets himself in, picks the lock easily enough, and he makes his way to the bed where Shinra is snoring without a care in the world. Izaya flicks his forehead.

“Eh...?! Ah!” Shinra fumbles around for his glasses, and Izaya hands them to him. “Izaya-kun!”

“Your sleeping posture is terrible,” Izaya says. He stays out of Shinra's reach.

“Did Celty let you in?” Shinra asks. Izaya snorts.

“I broke in.”

“Of course.”

“I had to come see for myself how pitiful you were. You're like a mummy.” Izaya sits in a chair by the bed, crosses his legs and leans back.

“Izaya-kun, I'm sorry,” Shinra says.

“You don't know what 'sorry' means.”

“Maybe not. But this is still karma, isn't it? I got hurt right after not going to see you in the hospital,” Shinra says.

“I don't expect you to be around to take every knife for me.”

“Can I see the scar?” Shinra asks.

Izaya scoffs before standing. He lifts his shirt, glaring when Shinra's hand reaches out to touch the freshly healed wound.

“I guess we match,” Shinra says softly.

“Mirror images.”

Shinra's fingers curl around Izaya's arm, and then he's pulling Izaya down into a kiss. Izaya grumbles, is irritated by him, but he doesn't pull away. He winds up straddling Shinra on the bed, pressing his dick against Shinra's through their clothes.

“You look...good... Fuck, you always...look good...” Shinra says, and Izaya grins down at him before moving lower.

“Your girlfriend can never suck you off, you know? Isn't that tragic?”

Shinra tries to lift to his elbow, whines in pain before flopping back down into the bed. His fingers thread into Izaya's hair as Izaya frees him from his pants, and they both moan when Izaya gets his mouth on Shinra.

“Celty could...nnn...” Shinra arches into Izaya's mouth, whines when Izaya pulls off.

“She's across the city. Don't worry.”

“Fuck, come here. I want to be inside you,” Shinra gasps.

Shinra can't move much, so Izaya rides him, holds onto the headboard as he fucks himself on Shinra's dick. It's hard and fast, mindless, and Shinra watches him through dark eyes, his mouth hanging open as he nears his edge.

Out of the goodness of his heart, Izaya cleans them both off afterwards. Shinra watches him sleepily, reaches for him when Izaya finishes getting dressed.

“You'll always think of me in this bed,” Izaya murmurs before he licks into Shinra's mouth, kisses him deeply. “Think of me when you fuck her.”

He leaves then, feeling as empty as he always does after these encounters. He stops for ootoro on his way home, finding it easier to blame it on hunger than the truth.

***

He's recovering from a bad cold when Shizuo finally catches him.

He isn't paying attention to his surroundings at all. He feels bad, feels like he needs to sleep for days, and he's regretting going out when he's suddenly being lifted in the air and slammed against a wall. He blinks spots out of his vision and focuses on Shizuo's face.

“I got you! Why are you in Ikebukuro, I-za-ya?” Shizuo asks. Izaya reaches for a knife, but Shizuo's hand crushes around his wrist.

“I'm guessing you wouldn't believe I was minding my own business?”

“I sure fucking wouldn't.” Shizuo smiles at him, but there's nothing pleasant about it. “I've been waiting a long time for this. I'm gonna snap you like a twig and throw your body into the trash.”

“Could you hurry up with it? I'd like to go home at some point. I'm sick.”

“Sick in the head,” Shizuo grumbles while scrutinizing him. He glowers when Izaya coughs. “You're burning up,” Shizuo says, and inexplicably, he's letting Izaya go. “You should go see Shinra.”

“You're not going to bash my head in?” Izaya asks. He's dizzy. If Shizuo decides to fight him anyway, this really won't end well.

“I can't punch you when you're sick. That's the kind of underhanded shit _you_ do, and I'm better than you.” He turns and stalks off, and Izaya can't help himself, he really can't.

“There's no honor among monsters, Shizu-chan.” He throws a knife, and Shizuo dodges it, turning back to Izaya with an enraged expression. Izaya cackles when Shizuo charges him, slams him back into the wall and punches him in the face. “See?! Doesn't that feel _good?_ Give into your nature!”

“What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?! Stop laughing like it's funny!” Shizuo shakes him, and Izaya feels faint. He tastes blood and his heart is racing in his ears. Shizuo makes him feel so _alive_ , and Izaya can't stop needling him any more than he can stop breathing.

He leans in, kisses Shizuo and smears blood over his lips. He doesn't think anything of it when he does it, feels idly like he'd like to kiss someone other than Shinra before he dies. Shizuo stiffens against him before yanking back, a disgusted look on his face.

“What's wrong, Shizu-chan? Are you mad because you didn't like it?” Izaya leers at him. “Or are you mad because you _did?_ ”

“You're fucking crazy,” Shizuo spits, but he doesn't move away. He squeezes Izaya's wrist again, and Izaya moans in pain. He doesn't miss the way Shizuo's eyes darken at the sound.

“If you're not going to kill me, I can think of other ways to occupy your time,” Izaya murmurs, and Shizuo drops him at last before walking away, leaving Izaya where he lands.

***

A week later, Izaya is working at his desk alongside Namie when his door bursts open. Shizuo strides inside, raising his eyebrow at Namie.

“Get out,” he says, and she scoffs at him before gathering her things.

“What can I do for you, Shizu-chan?” Izaya asks smoothly. Shizuo doesn't respond, just watches Namie go, and as soon as the door closes behind her, he's whirling on Izaya.

“Why'd you kiss me?” he demands, and Izaya giggles before he can help it.

“What do you mean, 'why?'”?

“I mean _why_. Was it to distract me from snapping your neck? Are you fucking playing games with me?! I want an answer, and depending on that answer, I'll decide whether or not to throw you out the window!” Shizuo is snarling, his hands in fists, and Izaya can't help the thrill that runs through him at the knowledge he's made Shizuo this angry over something as simple as a peck on the lips.

“Why,” Izaya repeats, leaning back in his chair. He pretends to be deep in thought. “Why, indeed. I guess because I wanted to? Is that enough of an answer, or should I say my prayers?”

Shizuo glares at him, breathing hard, and then he's rounding the desk and yanking Izaya from the chair, kissing him hard enough to bruise.

“I knew you liked it,” Izaya purrs, and Shizuo growls at him in warning.

Shizuo isn't careful with him at all. Izaya is tossed onto the bed, shoved down in the mattress, and when Shizuo finally slides inside him, there's no pause to let Izaya adjust. Their sex is like a fight, and Izaya loves every minute of it, can feel the power behind Shizuo's movements even if Shizuo is trying to hold himself back from using all his strength.

“Fuck, your monster dick... I knew it'd...be incredible...” Izaya pants between Shizuo's thrusts, and Shizuo grins at him, obviously pleased.

“You thought of it?”

Izaya nods, crying out when Shizuo strikes his prostate. “Oh, there, _there_...!”

Shizuo kisses him, fucks into him even harder, clearly not holding back anymore. Izaya comes so hard he blacks out for a moment, and when he regains his senses, he feels that Shizuo broke the condom and came inside him.

“You better...not be diseased...” Shizuo mumbles into Izaya's neck, and Izaya pets through Shizuo's sweaty hair, clenches around Shizuo's dick so Shizuo grunts at him and presses forward instinctively, deeper inside Izaya.

“Hurry up and recover. I want you to fuck me again.”

They spend the night having sex, and when Izaya wakes up alone in the morning, he feels that familiar hollowness, though it's deeper than usual. Of course Shizuo would leave after getting what he wanted. Izaya doesn't know why he expected anything more.

The toilet flushes, and Izaya hears water running before Shizuo returns, sliding back into the bed behind Izaya and tossing an arm around him.

“Sorry I woke you up,” Shizuo murmurs, kissing Izaya's shoulder. Izaya feels an emotion he can't name, but he likes it, wants more of it. He rolls over in Shizuo's arms and curls into his chest, smiling when he hears Shizuo's heart beating faster.

They spend a lot of time together. Izaya's never been in a relationship in his life, and he knows Shizuo hasn't either, but it's clear they've somehow managed to create one. Shizuo stays around for more than sex, and he comes over so often that Izaya gives him a key. There's no buildup to it, no grand confession. He simply tosses the key at Shizuo's face and cackles when Shizuo curses him for it. Then Shizuo realizes what it is and seems genuinely flustered, and Izaya can't help but wonder how the hell they ended up like this, but he feels happy all the same.

“It's weird, isn't it? If I just kissed you back in high school, we could've been doing this a lot longer,” Izaya says one evening, grinning down at Shizuo, who is lying with his head in Izaya's lap. Shizuo snorts.

“I wouldn't have known what to do if you kissed me then. I always thought you were so pretty. It made me mad.” He hums when Izaya pets through his hair. “I think I always wanted you.”

“Always, huh? No one else?” Izaya asks, a little bitterness creeping into his voice. Shizuo looks up at him like Izaya's said something crazy.

“Who the hell else is there?” Shizuo asks. “No, it was always only you.”

***

They've been together a little over six months when Shinra stops by, unannounced as always. Izaya is busy cooking breakfast, swatting Shizuo away whenever Shizuo paws at him.

“You're the one who wanted french toast. Why ask for it if you're just going to keep swiping at me?” Izaya asks, frazzled when Shizuo finally manages to pull him in.

“You're wearing an _apron_ ,” Shizuo grumbles, his fingers moving to the knot behind Izaya's back. “It's cute.”

“I'll wear it _after_ you eat, you insatiable monster. See if I ever listen to your requests again—“ They both pause when there's insistent knocking at the door, and Shizuo looks down at him.

“Expecting anyone?”

“No. It could be a client. Or Masaomi-kun, he stops by sometimes to ask me questions and berate me.”

“That blond kid?”

Another knock. Izaya sighs before crossing to the door. “Who is it?” he calls. If it's someone with ill-will, they'll be disappointed to learn the fortissimo of Ikebukuro is lurking inside, impatiently awaiting french toast and fawning over an apron of all things.

“It's me!” Shinra replies, and Shizuo shrugs when Izaya looks at him. They haven't exactly told anyone about their...entanglement. It just hasn't seemed like anyone else's business.

Izaya opens the door and Shinra waltzes through before grabbing Izaya in a tight hug. Izaya's arms remain stiffly at his side, and then Shinra notices Shizuo, who is staring pointedly at Shinra's arms around Izaya.

“Shizuo-kun! What are you doing here?” Shinra looks from Shizuo to Izaya, his eyes settling on the apron and then the spatula in Izaya's hand.

“Shizu-chan is learning to cook,” Izaya says. “He wants you to know he can microwave toaster pastries now. It's really important to him.”

“Uh...”

“I'm fucking the flea,” Shizuo says with another shrug, as if he were just commenting on the weather, and then he's turning back to the oven. “Hey, Izaya, is this ready?”

“Did you want to stay for breakfast?” Izaya asks, and he doesn't expect Shinra to accept, but he does. They all wind up at the table, Izaya sipping coffee while the others eat.

“This is really good,” Shinra says gratefully. “Celty is getting much better at cooking, but she's very into traditional Japanese cuisine right now.”

“How does one cook without a sense of taste?” Izaya asks, and he huffs when Shizuo points his fork at him threateningly.

“How do _you_ exist without a heart, you shitty louse?”

“The same way you exist without a brain,” Izaya replies.

“Does that make me the cowardly lion?” Shinra asks brightly.

“It makes you a pain in the ass,” Shizuo says. “Is there a reason you stopped by, or was it just to be nosy?”

“I haven't seen Izaya-kun much lately. Or you, for that matter,” Shinra says.

“But you came here first.” Shizuo sips at his coffee, makes a face at it. Izaya passes him the sugar.

“It's more ominous when Izaya-kun is quiet. Besides, Celty talks to you often enough for me to know you're fine,” Shinra says flippantly. “But I guess I _will_ be nosy and ask how long the two of you have been...dating?”

“Long enough for me to know it's not an act, and he really is that stupid,” Izaya says, and he squawks when Shizuo shoves him, almost off the chair.

“A while,” Shizuo says.

“I'm happy you've finally worked out your differences,” Shinra says.

“You don't look happy about it,” Shizuo retorts.

“It's a lot to take in at once! It's a little hard to imagine!”

“So then don't imagine it,” Shizuo says easily

After breakfast, Shinra stands to leave, and he puts a hand on Izaya's shoulder when Izaya walks him to the door. Shizuo is watching with narrowed eyes, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

“Can I speak to you privately?” Shinra asks, and Izaya nods before following Shinra into the hallway, closing the door behind them. Shinra's hand moves from Izaya's shoulder to the inside of his elbow, fingers curling in. “I can't say I'm surprised. I knew the two of you were obsessed with each other.”

“I guess you and I both have a thing for monsters,” Izaya says. Shinra's eyes are burning with intensity and what looks to be jealousy. It's an expression Izaya's never seen him wear.

“I don't like the thought of him touching you,” Shinra murmurs. His hands go to Izaya's hips, fingers barely sliding inside the fabric of Izaya's shirt.

“You wouldn't like the thought of anyone,” Izaya says.

“You're right.”

“You should go home to your girlfriend and live with the knowledge you betrayed her over and over. Spend your life justifying it to yourself.”

“There's no justification. Celty is Celty, and you're you. I've never wanted anyone else.” Shinra smiles, and it doesn't reach his eyes. Izaya has wondered before why people accept Shinra so easily while shunning Izaya, but it's because Shinra is wrapped in more pleasant packaging, is able to give the false, hollow smiles Izaya finds himself incapable of.

“Go home, Shinra,” Izaya says, moving out of Shinra's hold. Shinra watches him for a moment.

“You don't get to come to me in my bed and then disappear. I'll wait as long as I have to.” Shinra's smile grows, and then he's leaving as soon as he arrived. Izaya exhales softly, watches him go.

“What was his problem?” Shizuo asks when Izaya steps back inside. The table is cleared, and Shizuo is beside the door like he was getting impatient for Izaya to return.

“It's hard to say for sure,” Izaya says.

“I don't like the way he looks at you,” Shizuo says, and Izaya looks up at him in surprise. “I've never liked it. He treats you like a pet, like a... _belonging_. It's weird.”

Izaya laughs, and he finds he can't stop himself once he starts. He's often felt that way, like a possession, like he was always incapable of being anything more. He can't blame Shinra, not entirely, not when Izaya was so willing to be an object for the sake of being a little less lonely. If anyone is the victim here, it's Celty, and still, Izaya finds it hard to feel guilty or to feel anything other than disgust for himself and for Shinra.

Shizuo watches him with a strange expression, and then he's moving towards Izaya, putting his arms around him.

“You were so tense all through breakfast, and the face you made when he touched you... Christ, Izaya, what did he do to you? Do I need to go punch him through a wall?”

“It was never anything I didn't want. But it's over now, I promise you that.” Izaya clenches the fabric of Shizuo's shirt, is still laughing softly, but enough to where his shoulders tremble with it.

“How long?” Shizuo asks.

“Since middle school.”

“And even after Celty and him...?”

“Yes. Even then.”

Shizuo growls, and Izaya tenses, braces himself to be hit, berated, thrown. Instead, Shizuo's hand goes into Izaya's hair, and his arms tighten around Izaya, and Izaya's laughter turns into something else.

“I'm sorry,” Izaya says, absurdly.

“Don't apologize.”

“I never— Since I've been seeing you, I haven't seen him.”

“I didn't think you had. It's okay,” Shizuo says softly.

Izaya nods, clings tight to Shizuo, didn't realize how scared he was of Shizuo leaving until he was faced with the possibility of it.

“This whole time, I was kind of jealous of the idea of Shinra and Celty," Shizuo says. "Like they were a constant, just something that would always be around. But I've also thought how weird it was that she finally gave into him when she says she hates his dad and he's...”

“Just like his dad,” Izaya finishes, and Shizuo nods.

“I hate that he ever touched you. I hate that you thought you deserved to be second best to someone else,” Shizuo spits with a vehemence Izaya can't believe is on his behalf.

“It's okay. I'm not a victim here.” Shizuo makes a small, disbelieving grunt, and Izaya nuzzles into Shizuo's shirt, inhales his scent. It feels good to get this out in the open, to emerge to the other side with Shizuo still holding him like he's actually worth something.

He doesn't remember the last time he felt that hollowness.

***

They've been together a year when the invitations come.

Shinra sent both letters to Izaya's place, stating he 'figured Shizuo was still hanging around'. Shizuo reads it and crumples it up, fumes as he paces around with the letter still wadded in his hand.

“That fucking _asshole_. Is he serious about this?!”

“It's probably for the novelty of it,” Izaya says, staring at the words on his own invitation. “Celty isn't a citizen. She doesn't have papers. They can't really get married, but they can have a ceremony.”

“I'm not going. Neither are you. Fuck that, I'm not watching her marry him.”

“You're her best friend. She'll probably ask you to be her monster of honor,” Izaya jabs.

Shizuo stops pacing and turns to Izaya with a frown. “I should tell her, shouldn't I?”

“That's up to you,” Izaya says. “She's your friend.”

“Would you tell her? If it was the opposite situation, if she was fucking around on Shinra, would you tell him?”

“Whether I did or not, I suspect they would get married anyway.”

“Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, you're right. She'd marry him either way.” Shizuo throws the paper across the apartment. “Are you going to go?”

“It seems I'm invited to be his best man,” Izaya says, pointing to the invitation. Shizuo snarls and comes to snatch it, throws it as far as the other one.

***

They wind up going. Shizuo says he's going for Celty, and Izaya goes for Shizuo, who doesn't want to be there at all. The ceremony is short and tasteful, and Celty wears a veil over her shadows, creating an ominous ghostly effect. There's a short pause when the issue of kissing the bride comes up, and Izaya snorts so loudly that everyone turns to glare at him, save for Shizuo, who is withholding his own laughter.

Shinra's and Celty's first dance is to some jaunty, Celtic theme, and Shizuo hangs back with Izaya, watching the couple with a scowl as he downs his flute of champagne.

“I want to punch him,” Shizuo murmurs. Shinra laughs as Celty steps on his foot, and then their dance continues clumsily. “Just right in his stupid face.”

“Mm. He loves her,” Izaya says. “As much as he's capable of loving anyone, he loves her. I think she knows that no one else would ever love her more, even if it's twisted.”

“Did _you_ ever love him?” Shizuo asks, and Izaya shakes his head, sips idly at his own champagne.

“Maybe I could have, at one point. But I was aware he loved her, and whatever he felt for me wasn't the same. I always knew it was temporary. Or, I hoped, at least, that it was temporary.”

“I still want to punch him,” Shizuo says, and then he steals Izaya's flute and takes a sip. He puts his arm around Izaya. “Thanks for coming with me. I know it's gotta be hard for you.”

“It's not hard to be here.” Izaya tilts into Shizuo, grins up at him. “Besides, you're here.”

“I am, but I don't wanna be. C'mon, let's go before I make Celty a widow.”

Shizuo takes his hand and leads him through the crowd. Izaya can feel Shinra's eyes on him from across the room, but he doesn't turn to meet his gaze. They're almost through the throng of people when Shinra catches up to them, Celty behind him.

“Leaving already?” Shinra asks. He looks bright eyed and happy, a little flushed from all the exertion. “We wanted to thank you guys for coming. It means a lot.”

“I came for Celty,” Shizuo says immediately. He turns to her. “You looked great out there.”

“ _I was hoping you'd dance with me before you left.”_ Celty's screen says. Izaya shrugs when Shizuo looks at him.

“I'll hang back. Go have fun.”

“Don't be silly,” Shinra says, tugging at Izaya. “You can dance with me!”

Shizuo growls, but Izaya waves him away. He's more than capable of caring for himself, and he doesn't feel any ill-will towards Shinra. They were both willing participants, after all.

“You'll let me lead, right? I'm taller,” Shinra says, his hands going to Izaya's waist. Izaya snorts and puts his hands on Shinra's shoulders.

“If you step on me, I'm stabbing you.”

“Hey, I didn't step on Celty! She stepped on me!”

They move together in silence for a while. Shinra is, surprisingly, not a bad dancer, and Izaya is enjoying the mindless repetition of their steps.

“Shizuo-kun knows, doesn't he?” Shinra asks suddenly. “About you and me.”

“Yes,” Izaya says, smirking when Shinra pales a bit. “He's not going to tell Celty, but you probably should.”

“I don't think it's important for me to tell her,” Shinra says. “And even if he tells her, she wouldn't leave me. I just don't want Shizuo-kun to kill me.”

“That _would_ be all you're worried about. If you were anyone else, I'd say something about the guilt eating you alive eventually, but I know you're incapable of remorse.”

“Pot, kettle.” Shinra laughs, and he twirls Izaya, who only offers minimal resistance before allowing it.

“Are you insinuating I'm not filled with remorse?” Izaya asks once he's facing Shinra again. Shinra frowns at him, his eyes widening.

“ _Are_ you?”

“Mm, no. It was fun for a while.”

“It could be fun again,” Shinra says, and Izaya rolls his eyes.

“You're an idiot, you know? You've always been an idiot.”

“Offer still stands,” Shinra says, and he pulls Izaya close, hugging him when the song changes to a slower one. “I miss you.”

“I haven't gone anywhere,” Izaya says.

“I miss _having_ you.”

“You don't get to have everything. And it never would've worked out.” Izaya puts his head on Shinra's shoulder. “You could always give Celty her head back if you really miss kissing someone so badly. I gave it back to your father and...step-mom after Shizu-chan practically moved in.”

“It's not just the kissing I miss,” Shinra says. “You were mine. I miss it.”

Izaya sighs softly. “I didn't want to be yours.”

“But you were!”

“Well,” Izaya says, not bothering to refute this, “things change, don't they? That's part of the human experience.”

“I guess so,” Shinra says. “The other part is not liking the changes.”

The song ends, and Shinra doesn't let him go. Izaya wonders how Shinra views what they were throughout the years. It's certainly different than how Izaya saw it, maybe laced with more fondness and made pretty through the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia. It's true Izaya doesn't regret it, but it never made him happy.

Shizuo and Celty return then, and Shinra finally pulls away from Izaya, though his hand stays on Izaya's shoulder. Shinra smiles brightly at Celty, taking her hand in his free one.

“Did you have fun?” he asks her, and her shadows gush. Shizuo wrenches Shinra's hand away from Izaya, scowls openly at Shinra.

“ _Is everything okay?”_ Celty asks, and Shizuo meets Izaya's gaze, softens under it.

“Yeah. It's just time for my shovel speech," Shizuo says. He lifts Shinra by the front of his suit, shaking him. “If you do anything to hurt Celty, I'm going to murder you. They won't find your body, and if they do, they're gonna need grief counseling.” He leans in then, mutters something in Shinra's ear, and Shinra's eyes go wide with fear before he's nodding frantically.

“Okay, okay! I got it!” Shinra wails, and Shizuo lets him drop into a heap. Celty seems touched by Shizuo's concern, and Shinra hides behind her once he's back on his feet.

“I want more champagne before we leave, Shizu-chan,” Izaya says, his hand going to Shizuo's back. Shizuo looks at him, immediately calm.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Congratulations,” Izaya says to the happy couple. He remembers them being two of the only people to congratulate him on his graduation. Celty signs to him for the first time in years.

“ _Take care of Shizuo.”_

“ _I will.”_ Izaya signs back to her. _“Keep Shinra in line.”_

“ _I'll try!”_

Izaya enjoys another flute of champagne before Shizuo is dragging him away, grumbling about crowds and shitty music. Izaya flounces after him, a little warm from the champagne. Outside is pouring rain, thunder rumbling overhead, and Shizuo curses more before pulling out his phone to call a cab. Izaya leans against him and huddles close, stealing his warmth.

“What did you whisper to Shinra in there?” Izaya asks after Shizuo hangs up. “He looked ready to pass out.”

“I told him if he ever touched you again, I was gonna fold him into the world's most annoying, pasty pretzel,” Shizuo says, and his arm goes around Izaya's waist. “You okay? I didn't mean to leave you alone with him.”

“I'm fine. I'm better than fine.” Izaya curls closer to Shizuo, giggles under his breath when Shizuo pulls him into a kiss. He doesn't remember the last time he felt less empty.

**Author's Note:**

> Boy, this one really got off the rails. I just really love my messed up characters, you know? Thanks to LateNiteSlacker for reading over this and listening to me whine about writing it. I will never shut up. 
> 
> My [tumblr](https://sachigram.tumblr.com/)


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